when you can talk or even write and get this load off ur chest
just say it so u can throw it all behind...
i completely lack this ability and its killi' me
i got out with 2 of my cousins today ..none of us was feeling that good so we thought its a good idea to go out ,sit together and maybe vent
i was there for about 3 hours and they were venting .. everyone was just letting it all out and they weren't searching for answers they were searching for someone to listen someone they trust....
and when they finished..they both turned to me "and you whuts the hell wrong with you?" i really wanted to talk ..i wanted to let it all out but instead i just paused for a moment , smiled (that yellow smile of mine that my mum hates) and said ..well .i think i better stay silent..
they kept going come on its not like we gonna tell anyone....
and its not that ...its not that at all .. i totally trust them ..but i couldn't ..i couldn't just talk
may be cos i'm not sure if they will understand
maybe i dun really know if i do understand
maybe cs i hate to be judged and i won't give anyone a reason to judge me
maybe cos the last few times i opened up to someone i end up regreting it bigtime!!
maybe i just lost it after all these years .. i lost the ability to vent
i still remember the last time i was really venting without caring if i make sense or not and its not a great memory cos after that i got one of the deepest scars in my heart and i never talked about that either to anyone
may be they're right ..i dun trust people enough or maybe i dun trust people at all
i dun know i really don't....
so if you wanna know how i feel
i feel like i wanna sit on the floor in a narrow corner with no one around doing nothing at all
if you wanna know why i feel this way thats the part i can't really tell or even write not because i dun want to ...i can't
and may be you're better off anyways
.......
peace
..........
And maybe someday we will meet,
and maybe talk and not just speak.
Don't buy the promises 'cause,
there are no promises I keep.
And my reflection troubles me,
so here I go.
2 comments:
Sometimes venting is like reliving the whole situation again but worse .. coz in this case it will be in front of other ppl too.
Although the silent phase is not that good but I kill now to sit still in that dark corner away from ppl..
you're totally right but most of the people dun really get that ..
they think you're driftting away .. you dun trust them enough or even that you're angry with them...
anyways you're welcome to join the corner :)
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