..................

its ironic how you could feel so alone when u r surrounded by all the people you love
you just look around to realize that u can't feel anyone of them anymore
and this feeling of loneliness keeps squeezing ur heart
you search and try to find that common ground again
but its not that easy to find......

i feel soo alone
this emptiness inside my heart is killin' me
i keep calling my close friends hoping that i will feel good talking to them
but i don't..i end up feeling more alone

the funny thing is
everything has changed time, place ,all the surroundings
and i'm still stuck with the same person
just me and him
and nothing in this whole world could make me feel more lonely than he does

i'm tired
family is tiring
friends are tiring
people are tiring
life is tiring

i'm still waiting for the change
though each time my life changes it became more tyring
but i'm still waiting

i'm still hopeful
i'm still smelling a better 2morrow

i'm scared (though i dun use this word much)
i'm scared of 2morrow
i'm scared of losing the people i love
i'm scared of my nightmares becoming real
i'm scared of getting it out of laying everything down
i'm scared of losing whuts left of me

i won't give up
i won't let go
i won't quit trying

i just need to lay it down



lay it down slow ~ spiritualized

if you got dreams in your heart
why don't you share them with me?
and if dreams don't come true
i'll make sure that your nightmares are through

if you got pain in your heart
why don't you share it with me?
and we'll just wait and see
if it's half what it used to be

and lay it down slow
lay it down free
lay it down easy
but lay it on me

if you've got love in your heart
why don't you keep it with mine?
i can't promise a miracle
but i'll always be trying

contradictory

everything around us has 2 faces and no matter how hard u try to prove one of them right and the other wrong u'll fail..
life sucks and its beautiful in so many ways.
love is overwhelming and its painful.
family is ur shelter and its ur encumbrance.
hope is refreshing and its exhausting.
happiness is whut u need but its after taste is whut u hate the most.
we hate people cos we're tired of loving them and we love people cos hate doesn't get us anywhere.
we work hard all of our lives to reach somewhere and once we r there we lose our enthusiasim.
you hope and pray for ur life to change and everytime it does it become worse and u start hoping u could get back where you were.
you enjoy being with the people u love but sometimes its the most tiring thing ever.
u remain silent when u have zillion of things fighting in ur mind
u hate it when people pressure u to tell them whuts wrong and u get disappointed if no one cares enough to ask

its life
its the way that we live
we try and try to figure it out
and in the end we just ignore it

so dun accuse me of being contradictory
open ur eyes ...everything is !!!

Happy new year

i've been trying to write this post since the begining of the new year and each time i write something i end up erasing it .. 2008 wasn't a good year for me at all but i realized that i dun really wanna talk about it
i'm hopeful and i actually think that 2009 is gonna be agood year it makes me scared actually cos the last time i was happy and hopeful in 2008 my grandpa was admitted in the icu the next day and my whole life was sort of upside down. he got out in the 1st day of this year thanks god :)
2009 is the year of my graduation (FINALLY) and i wish i become a good and compassionate doctor ..i've waited alot and worked hard through these years for that hopefully i'll finally get it.
i hope i become the person i always wanted to be i wanna feel lighter ,happier and stronger..
i wanna be able to forgive more so that i could really forget one day ..
i wanna be closer to god more religious cos i believe thats the key to every good thing in life
all the steps i took in 2008 were backward but i guess i'm ready to move forward now

so goodbye 2008 i'm really glad you're over

and to B,E and M i say goodbye with love you've done ur best to love me i've done my best to love you but we've just reached a point where there is nothing left to say anymore ..

to you 2009 i hope you are a better year

happy new year everyone =)


i'll say goodbye with one of my fav. songs ever i've probably wrote it so many times before but for me its a master piece
Adifferent kind of pain~cold

Before i let you go
Give me just one more night to show you
Just how i feel
I lost all my control
If it takes my whole damnned life i'll Make this up to you

Im kinda like the waves that roll their whole life
Towards somewhere crashing it on the shore
Thats blown in by the wind that carries the clouds
To hide my wish on a fallen star

A differnt kind of pain, is someone there to hold you
Is someone there to take you away from me ......