.......

its freezing......
i feel lonely like hell
i feel scared
i'm trying to tell myself that today is a good day
but i can't help it
i'm confused
i feel like everything is fallin' apart
i'm gonna let i all out here cos probably no one is reading (hope so)
i'm just so sick of keepin it all together
i wanna let go i wanna let it out
i wanna fall apart
my mum is sick she doesn't know how serious it is but i do
i do know that the day will come when she won't be able to stand
and i pretend like i don't cos i wanna be strong for her and for my dad and brothers
each time she tell me about the pain i act like its nothing dun worry just take that
and you will be fine but she is not gonna be fine
and she thinks i dun really care cos i act like its nothing
but i do ...god i do i just have to keep it together i dun want her to be scared of whuts coming
i dun want her to feel the way i do
i can't talk to anyone about it
i just can't

i'm scared about my dad he smokes like an addict and he has a history of stroke
drs keep telling him he should quit but he can't
and i'm scared

i look at my brothers
and i do want them to be something
i want them to make thier life extraordinary
i want yasser to be a football player as he wants
i want omar to be able to see his way
i'm just scared of watching them wasting their dreams

i miss my grand ma so much
she was the only person in my life that made me feel safe
she made me feel that its ok if fall she will always be there to catch me
since i lost her and i lost her so many years before she actually die
since i lost her i never found that feeling again
since i lost her i'm scared

i'm scared of not becoming the person i want to be
i dun wanna turn out to be a disappointment

i wanna live
i wanna be
i wanna let go

and people look at me like the girl who has everything
she keeps it together
she is confiedant
she is fearless

can't you just see i'm scared of everything
and the only way i know to keep it together
is to act like everything is fine

the thing is i believe in a better 2morrow though 2morrow was never really better for me
i have faith in god without god i would never make it this far

and i keep telling myself

todaY is a good day
today is a good day.....