..................

its ironic how you could feel so alone when u r surrounded by all the people you love
you just look around to realize that u can't feel anyone of them anymore
and this feeling of loneliness keeps squeezing ur heart
you search and try to find that common ground again
but its not that easy to find......

i feel soo alone
this emptiness inside my heart is killin' me
i keep calling my close friends hoping that i will feel good talking to them
but i don't..i end up feeling more alone

the funny thing is
everything has changed time, place ,all the surroundings
and i'm still stuck with the same person
just me and him
and nothing in this whole world could make me feel more lonely than he does

i'm tired
family is tiring
friends are tiring
people are tiring
life is tiring

i'm still waiting for the change
though each time my life changes it became more tyring
but i'm still waiting

i'm still hopeful
i'm still smelling a better 2morrow

i'm scared (though i dun use this word much)
i'm scared of 2morrow
i'm scared of losing the people i love
i'm scared of my nightmares becoming real
i'm scared of getting it out of laying everything down
i'm scared of losing whuts left of me

i won't give up
i won't let go
i won't quit trying

i just need to lay it down



lay it down slow ~ spiritualized

if you got dreams in your heart
why don't you share them with me?
and if dreams don't come true
i'll make sure that your nightmares are through

if you got pain in your heart
why don't you share it with me?
and we'll just wait and see
if it's half what it used to be

and lay it down slow
lay it down free
lay it down easy
but lay it on me

if you've got love in your heart
why don't you keep it with mine?
i can't promise a miracle
but i'll always be trying

contradictory

everything around us has 2 faces and no matter how hard u try to prove one of them right and the other wrong u'll fail..
life sucks and its beautiful in so many ways.
love is overwhelming and its painful.
family is ur shelter and its ur encumbrance.
hope is refreshing and its exhausting.
happiness is whut u need but its after taste is whut u hate the most.
we hate people cos we're tired of loving them and we love people cos hate doesn't get us anywhere.
we work hard all of our lives to reach somewhere and once we r there we lose our enthusiasim.
you hope and pray for ur life to change and everytime it does it become worse and u start hoping u could get back where you were.
you enjoy being with the people u love but sometimes its the most tiring thing ever.
u remain silent when u have zillion of things fighting in ur mind
u hate it when people pressure u to tell them whuts wrong and u get disappointed if no one cares enough to ask

its life
its the way that we live
we try and try to figure it out
and in the end we just ignore it

so dun accuse me of being contradictory
open ur eyes ...everything is !!!

Happy new year

i've been trying to write this post since the begining of the new year and each time i write something i end up erasing it .. 2008 wasn't a good year for me at all but i realized that i dun really wanna talk about it
i'm hopeful and i actually think that 2009 is gonna be agood year it makes me scared actually cos the last time i was happy and hopeful in 2008 my grandpa was admitted in the icu the next day and my whole life was sort of upside down. he got out in the 1st day of this year thanks god :)
2009 is the year of my graduation (FINALLY) and i wish i become a good and compassionate doctor ..i've waited alot and worked hard through these years for that hopefully i'll finally get it.
i hope i become the person i always wanted to be i wanna feel lighter ,happier and stronger..
i wanna be able to forgive more so that i could really forget one day ..
i wanna be closer to god more religious cos i believe thats the key to every good thing in life
all the steps i took in 2008 were backward but i guess i'm ready to move forward now

so goodbye 2008 i'm really glad you're over

and to B,E and M i say goodbye with love you've done ur best to love me i've done my best to love you but we've just reached a point where there is nothing left to say anymore ..

to you 2009 i hope you are a better year

happy new year everyone =)


i'll say goodbye with one of my fav. songs ever i've probably wrote it so many times before but for me its a master piece
Adifferent kind of pain~cold

Before i let you go
Give me just one more night to show you
Just how i feel
I lost all my control
If it takes my whole damnned life i'll Make this up to you

Im kinda like the waves that roll their whole life
Towards somewhere crashing it on the shore
Thats blown in by the wind that carries the clouds
To hide my wish on a fallen star

A differnt kind of pain, is someone there to hold you
Is someone there to take you away from me ......

i'm a good person
i believe i'm
i never questioned it... even in moments of hesitation that voice in the back of my head keep saying it repeatedly i'm a good person
i'm not concited (hard to believe after reading the previous lines i know) but i'm not
the thing is i have to believe that if i wanna be a better person
i'll explain more ...
if u keep doing everything u can to make someone comfortable or happy not just for a day or 2 but for 4 years just to be thrown away 4 a better offer ...u have to believe u r a good person so u can just walk away and let it go.
if u get screwed by ur best friend the one u were always there 4 ...u have to believe u r a good person to wish him happiness and relief.
if u were so good at whut ur doing and they keep getting ahead of u just cos of their last name ...u have to believe u r a good person that will have whut he/she deserves one day.

u have to believe u r a good person so that...
u can give without taking,
u can listen more than talking,
u can heal even if u r broken.

i believe i'm a good person cos i wanna be a better one

so even if i can't take it anymore
if i'm so sick of listening ,smiling and pretending that everything is gonna be fine
if i'm so tired of being disappointed of believeing in people who always turn to be nothing in the end..
if i can't stand ur selfishness anymore

that voice in ma head will keep saying that i'm a good person
and i'll just do whut u need

the real question is... Am I really a good person or i'm just pretending to be?!!!


music~shagar el lamon~mohamed mounir
bene we benak a7zan we be3ado
bene we benak ayam we yen2ado
shagr el lamon dablan 3ala ardo
shagar el lamon dablan 3ala ardo...

Random Thoughts..

-its been a very long time since i last wrote in here

-i always hope for a change and each time my life changes it become harder

-i've done 3 stitches this weak and i actually consider it the best thing in the whole week (i hope the poor guy is feeling the same)

-i'm not sure of anything in my life except that i really wanna be a doctor.. a good one..

-i'm grateful for my friends for being there ...you did surprised me guys

-i always adjust to new stress by a physical symptom this year its hypertension!

-i love my new room bt i hate the fact that i have to get up everyday at 5 o'clock to go to college

-i'm pretending to be strong but i'm really tired ..... i'm tired of responsibility..tired of listening ..tired of thinking...tired of driving... tired of studying ..tired of trying to fix everything and sometimes tired of being me

-this is my last year in college and i'm really scared of the after-college stage when there is no place for mistakes...we all make mistakes but can u imagine if every mistake u do can coast someone his life!!

-i hate discrmination in any sitiuation or place even if i'm the one whos treated better or given a better chance ... thats why i'm happy for obama just because he is a sign that discrimination is over in the most powerful country in the world..

-i'm older.. i'm definitly older... and i get older day after day ...wiser?! hopefully

-i miss being a teenager ...high school ..summer days.... those meaningless dreams ...fruitless gossip..everthing that used to be fun ...

-i'm still trying to be a better me...god help me with that



I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow,it seems colder now
Where has my heart gone?
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all .......